Blanket of Disruption

Where our desire is got without content,

Fears a painted devil.

The multiplying villainies of nature,

Hover through the fog and filthy air.

Shipwrecking storms,

So foul, and fair.

Strange images of death,

Look like the innocent flower.

Tears shall drown the wind,

To find the minds construction in the face.

The owl scream and the crickets cry,

Dwell in doubtful joy.

Stones have been known to move,

And trees to speak.

False face,

False heart.

Hide what croaks the fatal entrance.

A day I have not seen,

heaven peep through the blanket of the dark.

I heard the serpent under it.

Direful thunders break,

As thick as hail.

Wicked dreams abuse curtained sleep.

Black and deep desires,

Let not light see.

Nature, seems dead.

Weak but Strong

What's happening to me? It hasn't been like this before. Ache within me won't you please go away? Please? I know that I am an Obanje child and that I have suffered from many illnesses but this one feels different. I'm going to die aren't I? Ekwefi says it's so, it must be so. But why? Why do I need to die? Maybe I was meant to be born a boy. Father would have loved me more. But Ezinma you are his favourite, you are. Don't forget it. I won't forget it. Ekwefi she's so beautiful, how I wish I could grow up to be like her and now I may never get to. Please don't take me Chukwu. I'm not ready to leave...for all this to end...to lose my family...to lose my life. Ezinma you have to fight this. It may be impossible but you've got to try. You can. I will. Father's words play over and over in my head. He feels that I have the soul of a boy but that I am trapped in the body of a girl. Hearing him talk about me this way, it kills me. It breaks my little heart into a million different pieces. No matter how hard I try to put them back together, I can't. It's like I've lost myself. But I am not ready to go. To leave this life and go off into the unknown. So maybe this is a moment of weakness but I am also strong. I will not give up. I cannot give up. Though I am not what my father wants me to be...Ekwefi and I...our relationship, it's so special. I need my life...and I need my mom.

Things Aren't Always As They Seem

When asked the question "Is Okonkwo a hero?" I immediately thought yes. Though at the time of the question I had only read the first few chapters of the novel. Now that I have finished the novel, I would like to change my answer. I do not believe Okonkwo is a hero but I do believe he has heroic qualities. Okonkwo is described in the novel as being strong, courageous, determined and honourable. Those are four great qualities that any hero should have but Okonkwo doesn't use his qualities in a heroic way. He doesn't stand up for his adopted son Ikemefuna when he is taken to be killed. Instead Okonkwo goes along and watches as his son is killed. Thinking about that, I can't understand how a father could watch his son die and be a part of that instead of standing up against it. Okonkwo is extremely strong physically which could be a heroic quality. He uses his strength to intimidate his own children and wives, whether it be beating them or just talking down to them. His reason for it is so that they won't end up like his father, a failure. Just because he has a reason for it, doesn't make it right. It's wrong to beat someone no matter what the reason. In doing this Okonkwo shows that he uses his strength to hurt others and not to help them. In the beginning of the novel we are told that Okonkwo lacks patience. It foreshadows that Okonkwo is going to have a high strung temper throughout the novel, and that is definitely true. Having a lack of patience doesn't make you a lesser person, but a hero should be able to handle hard situations in a way which will help that situation instead of worsening it. At the end of the novel Okonkwo commits suicide. This shows that he has selfishness inside of him and that he is a coward. He decides to give up because he's ashamed of all the bad things he has done. A hero would not give up. They may have doubts and insecurities, but they would overcome them and try to move forward.

A hero is someone who thinks of others before them self. Someone who isn't afraid to accept their actions, overcome those actions and ultimately move forward in their lives. At the start of the novel I really believed Okonkwo was a hero because I wanted him to be. Having read the rest of the novel it's clear to me that someone may have heroic qualities and yet not be a hero. What sets a true hero apart is someone who uses their strengths for good and not evil.

Conflicts Collide

In the novel Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte, the main conflicts so far are man vs. man and man vs. self. Heathcliff, the main character in my novel, has an undying love for Catherine who he cannot be with. Catherine, Heathcliff and her brother Hindley all grow up together. Heathcliff is adopted into the family and is not considered to be a part of it once the father of the household, Mr Earnshaw, dies. He is treated like a servant by Catherine's older brother Hindley. Heathcliff and Cathy become very fond of each other as the novel progresses and love to play together on the moors. They end up going over to Thrushcross Grange to tease the stuck up children who live there, Isabella and Edgar. Catherine is bitten by a dog there and ends up having to stay at Thrushcross Grange for five weeks. While she is there Catherine is made into a proper lady and becomes infatuated with Edgar. When she returns home it causes her relationship with Heathcliff to become even more complicated than it already is. Heathcliff becomes jealous of Edgar because he can see that Edgar is wealthy and considered to be of a much higher class than himself. He can see that Catherine is starting to become snobby and that she enjoys the attention she is getting from Edgar. But Heathcliff knows that she loves him and is not going to give up easily. I can see that throughout the novel Heathcliff and Edgar may battle it out for Catherine. This conflict of both Edgar and Heathcliff wanting to be with Catherine, is man vs. man. I think that Heathcliff having to deal with being thought of as lesser, causes him emotional pain which is man vs. self conflict. There's nothing he can do to become wealthy, he's just a servant boy of Wuthering Heights. He doesn't have the status that Edgar has. Catherine just loves the social status she is getting by being with Edgar and Heathcliff cannot give that to her. I think knowing all of this may cause Heathcliff to get away from Wuthering Heights and start a life somewhere else. I don't know if he will become successful in a new life, but I would hope that he would. I think that as the story goes on there will be much more conflict between all of the main characters.

The conflict in this novel reminds me of the conflict in the Twilight series. Edgar and Heathcliff both wanting Catherine reminds of how Jacob and Edward both want Bella. Jacob is like Heathcliff in how he's the underdog. He isn't as perfect or proper as Edward is, just how Heathcliff is rough around the edges unlike Edgar. Jacob feels emotional pain just like Heathcliff does. He knows that he would be good for Bella but that she has chosen to be with Edward instead. I think that the conflicts in these novels are very similar despite one being modern and one which is not.

An Unjust Aftermath

The term postcolonialism refers to what happened due to the effects of colonialism. Colonialism is when a higher power takes over those considered lesser, and they are therefore "owned" by that higher power. Postcolonialism is compressed of theories that developed because of colonialism. Theories found in philosophy, sociology, feminism, film, political science and much more. It deals with trying to find who you are in your nation while you are living in a colonized society. It's about developing an identity in your nation despite the struggle in doing so. Basically it is a fight for independence. The higher power who took over the lesser countries just wanted control over them. They wanted them to feel inferior and worthless and did this by changing their ways of life in a forceful way. Postcolonialism is wrong, but at the time making those thought of as evil and lesser into what the higher power was, seemed like the right thing for them to do.

It's unfortunate but postcolonialism is still around in our world today. Today white privilege is an example of that. White privilege has to do with white people being considered better or higher than those of colour. In Canada there are racial identities of color but also there is white racial identity. There are European Canadians and then there are Canadians. The European Canadians do not think of themselves as white but just not people of colour. There is an invisibility ofwhiteness that is linked to domination. This domination comes in forms of white privilege or examples that should be followed. Though these privileges are invisible to most European Canadians, they do exist in Canada. White privilege is a “protective pillow of resources and/or benefits of the doubt ... (that) repels gossip and voyeurism and instead demands dignity” (Fine, 1997, p 57).

There are many examples of white privilege in our nation. In 1997 Powell talked about how there are expectations for the people of color in US universities to fail. A university sent out two letters that were very different to the new people about to attend. There was a letter sent to the white students saying that they were the smartest and the best and that the university was very happy in accepting them. They were honoured to have such bright students be a part of their university. There was a different letter for the people of colour. This letter instead talked about how these students were very fortunate in being able to attend such a wonderful university. It also stated that there were many support groups that could help these students when they ran into difficulty. Most of the white students didn't realize that there were two letters. Yet those of colour were clear on the fact that their letters were race-coded. These students went to the same university, had classes together, but yet had completely different messages about what their rights and abilities were to be at the university. In Canada there is a similar effect where Indians are treated lesser and thought of as to be less intelligible. There is an assumption that they will fail so the standards are lower but that just ends up with them having a lower level of education. The white privilege is maintained because of the stereotypes of people of colour. These stereotypes are considered different than what a "normal" Canadian should be. For example the natives are though of as being lazy and alcoholics and the Chinese as treacherous, meaning they are likely to betray trust and are unreliable.

Of course these stereotypes are wrong and should not be accepted but yet as you can see are still floating throughout Canada and our world. Racism and the thought of one person being higher than anouther because of their race, colour, religion, or background is unjust. Everybody is just a pawn on this planet. Every one of us is equal no matter who we are or what we've done. We all live and we all die. Postcolonialism is the aftermath of colonialism. It's now a part of our world and it cannot be diminished easily. No matter the fight against it, it may be here to stay. But I will never believe that it is right or just because it definitely is not. It causes much suffering and it is unfair, cruel and utterly repulsing.

Devon is God

Devon Littlewood has been one of my best friends since kindergarten. Well actually grade two, but we like to say kindergarten because it sounds better! Over the years we have stayed best friends no matter what. It didn't matter in elementary school if we were in different classes and it doesn't matter now that we are at different schools, we are still best friends. Devon is girly because she has been dancing for the better part of her life. She's always wanted me to join but I don't think I'd make a very good dancer, I'm more into soccer. She loves field hockey which makes her a tomboy. She's not afraid to get down in the dirt. I don't know how anyone could question whether Devon Littlewood is the best person in the world or not. Of course she is, she just always has been. Devon is one of the smartest people I know. I think that's why she has such a big head, to fit her big brain. She's had a hard life having to deal with an obnoxious older brother who's always been thought of as better than her. She's been completely overshadowed by him. Therefore she is one of the strongest people I know. I know that no one has been able to beat Devon at an arm wrestle and so she will always win. My best friend is amazing, she has a dog. She is probably also the funniest person I know. She knows that I love when people re-inact past situations and so she usually does. It's always more hilarious with her doing so, than anyone else. She has a special tradition for Christmas morning where she runs down her stairs, jumps over the couch, and rolls onto the ground, landing right in front of the Christmas tree. Every time she re-inacts it, it just gets funnier. Devon Littlewood is like a gumball; she has a hard, strong shell but inside she's as sweet as can be. She's just like my dog Sascha in how she sings at the top of her lungs to music when she's alone. Though my dog's singing is in a dog howl kind of way they are still extremely alike because they both have blonde hair. Devon is the kind of person who would help you out in any sort of situation. Though Devon insists that she is better than me at Mario Cart, she's a freak of nature, so you shouldn't believe her. Maybe some would like to think that she is stuck-up and too odd to be friends with, but you would be very wrong in thinking so. I can assure you those two things would never be able to live up to who she really is. My best friend is not stuck up, though she is odd. But she is much more than that. Devon Littlewood is beautiful and strong. She is trustworthy, loyal and brilliant. She is always here for me through thick and thin and I know that I can always count on her. She may be a little weird sometimes too, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Intense Complications of Love

The novel I am reading is Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte. The protagonist of the novel is a young orphan boy named Heathcliff. He is brought to Wuthering Heights by Mr. Earnshaw, where he falls in love with Catherine, Mr. Earnshaw's daughter. Her family is very wealthy and since Heathcliff is not, their love is forbidden. He knows that really he cannot be with her but yet he cannot stay away from her either. I think that Heathcliff is someone who is hard to understand. He has to face so much struggle within the family that takes him in. Cathy's brother Hindley despises Heathcliff, but really I think he's jealous of him. Cathy and Heathcliff are so fond of each other, always leaving her brother behind and alone. Heathcliff faces conflict when Cathy's father dies. Hindley becomes the new leader of the house and therefore Heathcliff is left in the rubble. He is thought of as lesser and treated that way as well. He's thought of as dirty and wicked, but he isn't. He's conflicted because he could leave Wuthering Heights but his love for Cathy is so strong that he can't. No matter knowing if she really loves him or not, he believes that she does, and he can't leave her.

I believe that I can relate to Heathcliff. I struggle of letting go of things in my life, just as he does with Cathy. No matter how little chance of him ever being able to be with her, he holds on still. I too hold on even when the smarter or better choice may be to let go. Even if holding on means having to face hardships that could potentially tear me apart.

Forever In My Heart

Dear Papa,
Thank you for helping me so much throughout my life and for all the good memories you've helped me to make. I remember so many of our amazing and heartwarming experiences from when I was a little girl. Walking on Crescent beach every weekend with you is one that I remember vividly. You would always buy me a cotton-candy ice-cream cone, even though mom would say no. When we got back to your house, Grammy would give me gingersnap cookies. Thinking about it, I can taste the sweet ginger that exploded with every bite. I loved that house so much. The back garden was a fantasy land. Running around each bend of the wooden wall between the grass with the little stepping stones and the patio, always made me feel a sense of freedom. The smell of the red and pink roses was unbelievable and their beauty, magnificent. The smell of your house made me feel at home even though I wasn't. A mixture of smoke and gingersnap cookies. Grammy was always making them. You had a little chair of stuffed animals at the corner of your staircase. When you moved into George Derby Centre, I got to have the little bunny. She smells just like your house did. Whenever I breathe in the familiar scent I am reminded of those times when I was younger. I want you to know that I still have her today and I named her Cottontail. Papa I've always admired you. You fought for our country in World War II. You were captured by the German army, but you escaped. You had the courage to fight and risk your life for all of us today. Without you the world wouldn't be what it is now. Over the years you opened my eyes so much to trying new things, and seeing different sides of a story. You taught me right from wrong and sometimes disciplined me, but you were always kind. Papa though you aren't here anymore, I want you to know that I love you so much. I miss you more and more every day. Sometimes I regret not spending enough time with you as I got older. Sometimes I wish that you could see me now and see me grow up. But I have hope that you can, and that you are watching over me and the family. I will never forget our wonderful memories and I will never forget you. I don't know if there is something out there after death but I have hope that there is. I truly appreciate everything that you did for me while you were here. You as well as Grammy were both extremely important to me, and will forever be in my heart. I hope that you are together wherever you are, and I wish you a happy Valentine's day. I love you.

books that are meaningful to me :)

When I was four I loved the Spot books. My parents would read me one every day. I think my favourite thing about them was how they had little flaps that you could open and underneath would be a surprise! I've always loved animals especially dogs and Spot was just so cute. I remember that whenever my parents would come into my room to say goodnight I would ask them to read me Spot, and they always would. It was so meaningful to me because reading those books was a way of bonding with my parents. Even after I had grown out of them, my parents still read to me every night until eventually I started reading to them. Having being read to everyday when I was little helped me to love reading and learn to read at a young age. I could read chapter books by the time I was six. I think that loving the Spot books shows that I developed my love for animals at a young age. One book that I love now is The Host by Stephanie Meyer. The book is about reincarnation of souls. In the novel souls are considered an alien race among the humans who are inferior to them. The souls all have human hosts, some of which try to takeover their soul. The story tells about how one soul goes through her life on Earth having to deal with her human host trying to overcome her. She falls in love with a human boy while her human host is in love with a different boy. The book is meaningful to me because one of the themes is how in our lives we have hard choices we have to make. Sometimes those choices won't benefit us but they may help the ones we love instead. The book helped me to realize that though the choices I've made haven't always helped me, they've helped the people I love. Knowing that makes me feel like everybody has a purpose no matter who they are. The book also is meaningful to me because it shows that even if you are an alien you can fall in love with someone who is different than you. You don't have to be the same race, you can fall in love with anyone. I think that loving this book shows that I am open to different things and a romantic. I love tragic stories that have a happy ending.